How Divorce, Death, and Motherhood Changed Jan Redford’s Relationship to Rock Climbing and Risk
When your sport is closely linked to your relationships, how can you find your own path and feel fulfilled on your own?
We chat with a rock climber, writer, and mother who’s been through decades of ups and downs, from losing a partner in an avalanche to ending an unhealthy marriage and from putting herself in death-defying outdoor situations to building a new relationship with risk.
Jan Redford is the author of “End of the Rope: Mountains, Marriage & Motherhood.” She lives in Squamish, B.C. with her husband and their 95 lb. pandemic pup, Juno, not far from her two adult kids.
Jan now spends her time mountain biking, trail running, skiing, hiking, and occasionally climbing and is working on her next book, “Who Shall I Be Today?”, a prequel to her first memoir.
We talk about...
Growing up dreaming of the mountains
Growing up in the Northwest Territories and deciding at 14 years old to become a climber
Getting messages as a girl to “contain yourself” and “be more ladylike,” but that felt impossible
Knowing she was different from her family from an early age
Joining a 9 month program to volunteer in rural Canadian communities
Diving into a 3.5 month NOLS course as a crash course in mountain life, including skiing with little experience while carrying a pack over half her weight
Grief and loss in the climbing world
When Jan’s boyfriend Dan and roommate Ian died in an avalanche on Mt. Foraker
The shock of losing someone changing you on a cellular level
“Death is an aphrodisiac”: Turning to another man after the loss, then one year later being pregnant and married
Putting grief off instead of feeling through it
Relationships in sport, unhealthy marriage, and the Cinderella Complex
“Taking someone climbing” vs. “going climbing together”
Learning outdoor sports from people you date
Feeling like her partner would die while climbing extreme routes
Being with an unsupportive husband and trying to become the kind of person who couldn’t be with someone like him
A long process to decide to break up a doomed relationship and how quitting a partner feels like quitting chewing tobacco
The Cinderella Complex: a hidden desire to be saved and taken care of, waiting for a Prince Charming and wanting to feel loved
Interdependence over dependence in relationship: we need other people, but a relationship might not work if you don’t think you could survive without someone
Focusing on education to escape reality
Latching onto the dream of university to get her through her current life
Remote learning through pregnancy, nursing and motherhood to take small steps toward her dreams
University symbolizing power in her eyes
Motherhood and climbing
Seeing friends push themselves and take off in their climbing careers while she didn’t have time herself
The pressure society puts on mothers to stay at home with the kids
When kids could suffer more from parents being unhappy in a marriage
Pressure for women not to climb after children
Changing mindset while getting older
Finding new ways to face fear and push self without the chance of dying
Not being willing anymore to keep hurting her body for the adrenaline rush
Feeling the loss of an inner wildness, but also focusing on how to keep adventuring through her 80’s and beyond
Death wishes vs. life wishes
Giving up intensity for longevity
Holding self-compassion for your past self
How to connect with Jan:
Read “End of the Rope” (really, I loved it)
How to connect with Jeni and Angie:
Please rate and review For The Love Of:
Music: The Kind of Sandwich Island by Shut-ins
Thank you to The Ruins, the best wedding venue in Oregon, for supporting the show.